i’m going to be honest: i didn’t really want to watch the passion at all. i always told myself there was no point, since i know the story already. but my real reason for not watching it, i think, was that i didn’t want to see the temptation of Jesus; i didn’t want to see the suffering He went through; i didn’t want to have to think about His actual death. i would much rather just think about the pleasant symbolic meaning of easter (thrown in with easter eggs and fuzzy rabbits) than His scars, His pain, the uncomfortable reality of what Christ suffered for us. it is so much easier to content myself with thinking of some abstract Bible verse - “for God so loved the world” – without being forced to think about what that love actually meant to Jesus, and what it means to us today. but I guess Christianity isn’t supposed to be easy, is it? so i watched the passion anyway, and it definitely made me uncomfortable, but by watching it i gained a greater understanding of Christ’s ridiculous, beautiful, never-ending love for us.
watching the passion brought up many questions for me. until recently, i had never thought seriously about the humanity of Jesus, and it was made so obvious in the movie that Jesus lived, and lived a normal, human life just like the rest of us (minus the sin …). this fact absolutely astonishes me. Jesus wasn’t just this storybook figure, “Savior-of-the-world” action hero, as He is so often portrayed, even and especially in our modern American “Christian culture”. he actually had relationships with people, real, meaningful conversations that probably didn’t always consist of nothing but the fact that He was the incarnate Son of God.
He loved people; and not just because it was His job, not just because He was the Messiah, but because He had feelings and emotions like every other human being. the agony on His face as He was taken away from His disciples by the roman soldiers, the grief He showed as judas betrayed Him with the irony of a kiss, the look of heartbreak He had as His mother stood beneath the cross with tears flowing down her face: all these scenes caused me to cry, thinking about the reality of His pain, but also of the relationships He must have had with His family and followers. i have always heard the verse “Jesus wept,” because it is the shortest verse in the Bible, but to actually picture Jesus weeping, tears of joy or tears of sorrow or tears of life streaming down His face, is an overwhelming thought. the passion demonstrated to me the humanity of Jesus in a way more real than i had ever experienced, and through the realization of His humanity i can so much better appreciate His great love for me and for the world.
but as i realize the fullness of Jesus’ love for the world, i also must think of the agony He must have experienced as He bore the entire weight of the world’s sin in His soul. the very thought of such a sacrifice is utterly overwhelming. what is still more overwhelming, though, is the fact that He was tempted by satan (whose reality, and the utter evil of his presence, was also very disturbing to me in the movie) countless times, betrayed by one of his own disciples, rejected as a heretic by the jews that should have recognized that He was the fulfillment of all their prophecy, tortured shamelessly by the roman soldiers, and could have given up and decided that all these people who treated Him so terribly weren’t really worth saving after all. and yet …
He loved them anyway. and He continued to love them through all the torture, physical and emotional. and as He hung on the cross, enduring the worst pain imaginable, He still loved them, and all of us, and still said “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” the amount of love Jesus had and still has for this fallen world is impossible to fathom; and i am so thankful that He chooses to redeem us and all our sin. i am so thankful that His way of life messes up everything we know, all the systems and powers of the world, and that it messes up everything in just such a way that it is finally real, true, and beautiful. i am so thankful for His kingdom, that i have the privilege of living with Him today and forever, and of living His love to everyone.
at the same time, though, i can’t help but wonder, if i was one of the pharisees, or a roman soldier, or even the thieves hanging on the crosses next to Him, would i have realized He was the Messiah, the answer to all the prayers and problems of the world, or would i have tossed Him aside like they did, as a heretic and blasphemer? Would i have tortured Him, spat on Him, thinking Him nothing but a fool?
it is easy to sit here today in our comfortable culture that prefers to think of Jesus as metaphor, as some abstract solution to any worry we may have, but the passion forced me to think about Jesus as human, in His own context, and, honestly, it scares me. it is very uncomfortable to think of Jesus as absolutely, simply real. but that is, i think, the most important lesson i learned from watching the passion: Jesus really lived, and really loved, and even though we humiliated, tortured, and killed Him, conquered death and sin, and still lives and loves us and will continue to do so forever. i have known all this abstractly my whole life, but having seen even such a comparatively unrealistic picture of Jesus in the passion, i appreciate His sacrifice and His love more than i ever have, and i know i can do nothing better in life than to allow Him to fill me up, so that His love can pour out of me to everyone, every day, for the rest of my life, because His love is so great. amen.
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