a red cardinal in the white falling snow
is surely the loveliest sight i know

Wrigleyville

The gum-chewing monster Sits Behind
Spouting off her enlightened mind
On makeup, parties, drugs, and boys
With endless amounts of grace and poise
- at least to her - she chomps the facts
it's not only gum of which she smacks
... lack of education, truth, and class,
and ignorant through life she'll pass
without a clue, without the light,
and she will never realize her plight.
- The saddest part is -
she thinks she's all right.

I am depression
I am suicide
But I am alive

I am a poet
I am a musician
I am a lover and
I am an American
at times

I revise
I refrain
I restrain

I am crying
I do
I do

I

this dark ceiling without a star.

dying is to live.
living is to die.
living, not living - it
is insignificant;
as i am insignificant.

the weight of the world -
this is significant.
the greatness of God - or
not knowing if he is great
- this is significant.

the expectations of
a father, a mother,
a husband, a society, a time,
a lifetime -
this is all too
significant.
oppression overwhelms me
further proving my insignificance.

feminist complainings that i may not agree with in the morning

what is so exciting about engagements?

everyone says "congratulations! i'm so happy for you!"
even if they have no reason to be happy about it.

everyone says "you two are so good for each other!"
even if they are far from compatible.

everyone says "oh, you will have a great life together!"
even though chances are that "life" will only last 5 or 10 years.

everyone says "you've finally found your place in life"

because we all know that every woman's place is to be tethered to a man.

what a cause for celebration ...

when my words are not enough

music speaks to the deepest part of my soul.
it brings truth.
it says what i cannot find the
words to say.
i have listened to one
song countless times in the last week.
it speaks me.
it is my heart.


selections:

carry me ohio
sun kil moon


sorry that i could never love you back
i could never care enough in these last days

heal his soul

lingering in, what about the sweetness we knew?
what about what's good, what's true from those days?

can't count to all the lovers i've burned through
so why do i still burn for you? i can't say.

sorry that i could never love you back
i could never care enough in these last days

heal his soul

craving dreams a million miles ago
and the star that i just don't see anymore

words long gone, lost on journeys we walked on
lost are voices heard along the way

sorry for never going by your door
never feeling love like that anymore

heal his soul

life in death in love in life in love in death in life.

would you die for me
? i mean really
agony
and blood
not the idealized
hallmark-card
'i love you so much
i would die for you'
please.
it's about
more
gore and pain and
not the sure-
i-would-honey
-you-know-i'll-
follow-you-into-
the-dark
it's
going into the dark
before me and making it
light
erasing
everything that is not
how it should
be
be
crying tears of glass
wearing a crown of
thorns
staring into my
eyes
making me cry
and breathe
gasp
like a baby just born
it may be hard but
it is
necessary
this dying
to live
would you live for me
? after death
i wonder